Stage 2 Inventory Suggestions:
  • Safety Seeking and Reality Embracing Letter  Write a letter to acknowledge and honor the ways safety-seeking mechanisms, like denial or avoidance, have helped navigate the pain of another’s abuse, addiction, adultery, or abandonment. Begin by expressing gratitude for how these strategies provided protection during overwhelming times, allowing for survival. Recognize them as acts of self-preservation, not weakness. Then, shift to embrace the strength and resources now available to step into truth. Conclude with compassion, releasing the need for old protections while welcoming clarity, healing, and growth as the foundation for a new path forward.
 
  • God Wounds and Reframing Inventory: Take some time to reflect on and journal about areas where you feel hurt, distant, or disconnected in your relationship with your Higher Power. Acknowledge that these “God wounds” are valid and often rooted in deep pain or unmet expectations during difficult times. Write down moments where you’ve felt abandoned, questioned your Higher Power’s intentions, or struggled to trust. Ask yourself how these experiences have influenced your beliefs and ability to connect with your Higher Power. Recognize that these feelings are a natural response to trauma and that working towards healing this breach is an act of courage and self-compassion.

    Begin to explore ways to heal and rebuild this relationship. Choose one or two wounds to gently reframe, imagining what God might say to you with love and understanding. For example, “I see your pain and never left you, even when it felt like I wasn’t there.” Consider taking small steps to reconnect, such as speaking honestly to God about your doubts and feelings, exploring spiritual teachings that emphasize God’s grace, or seeking supportive community or guidance. Affirm your efforts with compassionate statements like, “God’s love is bigger than my pain, and healing is a journey I am allowed to take at my own pace.” This process is about mending the relationship with God in a way that nurtures trust, the time needed to heal, connection and peace.
  • Fear Inventory: Take three minutes to quickly write down your fears freely—big or small, current or past, logical or irrational. Once the time is up, use colored pens or markers to explore them further.  Circle fears in one color that are about safety and security.  In another color, circle fears that feel protective—those trying to keep you safe. In yet another color, circle fears that are about your identity and worth.  Circle fears in another color tied to cognitive distortions, such as catastrophizing or perfectionism. Use another color for the fear that feels strongest right now and place a star next to it for reflection.  Review your page and notice any patterns. Choose a fear from each color category and imagine speaking kindly to it, as if it were a worried part of you. Write a short, reassuring statement with an accompanying action, such as, “Thank you for trying to protect me—I see your concern and it is valid.  I am protecting myself with _______ boundary.” Or, “I can see why you would have concerns about not being enough considering the hard things that you’ve been through (like suffering another’s abuse, addiction, adultery and/or abandonment.)  Next time those thoughts arrive I am going to gently remind myself that their actions do not reflect my worth.”  End with a deep breath and long exhale, acknowledging the courage it takes to face your fears.
 
  • Grief Iceberg Inventory:  Take a poster and draw a horizontal line across about the top 3rd of the poster, representing the water. Above the line, list coping strategies, attitudes, and behaviors you use, whether they feel helpful or unhelpful. Below the line, write or illustrate challenging or traumatic events you’ve experienced. Once completed, draw the shape of an iceberg around all your words, with the line representing the water’s surface. Connect each event below the surface to the related coping strategies, attitudes, or behaviors above, using lines to show how these experiences have influenced your responses.
 
  • Empowering Truths: Take a piece of paper and divide it into three columns. At the top of the first column, write "False Narratives." Reflect on the negative stories you’ve told yourself—about your worth, abilities, relationships, or the world—and list them here (e.g., “I’m not good enough,” “People can’t be trusted,” or “I’ll always fail”). In the second column, label it "Impact." For each false narrative, write how it has affected your thoughts, feelings, or actions. For example, a belief like “I’m not good enough” might lead to avoiding opportunities or feeling stuck.

    In the third column, titled "Truth," reframe each false narrative into a more compassionate and empowering statement. For example, “I’m not good enough” could become “I have value and am learning every day.” To make it more interactive, use different colors for each column or add drawings and symbols that represent the transition from false narratives to truth. Reflect on how these truths can reshape your perspective and open new possibilities for growth.
 
  • Losses Collage Inventory: Create a Losses Collage by gathering objects, images, or symbols that represent the losses you’ve experienced due to another’s abuse, addiction, adultery, or abandonment. For example, you might include a broken watch for lost time, coins for financial struggles, or a dried leaf to symbolize lost vitality. Arrange these items on a poster board, tray, or tabletop, grouping them by type (emotional, relational, financial) or placing them freely to reflect how overwhelming the losses feel. You can glue items down for a permanent display or simply arrange them temporarily.  Consider taking a picture of temporary displays for future reference.

    Once your collage is complete, take time to reflect on it. Ask yourself what emotions arise as you observe these symbols and how these losses have shaped your journey. To balance the focus on loss with hope, consider adding a small section for growth symbols, such as a sprouting seed for resilience or a candle for renewed hope. 
 
  • My Lament To God  For a FREE PDF of this activity, see here.  This reflective writing guide walks participants through the biblical pattern of lament (found in books like Psalms and Lamentations) in a way that welcomes all beliefs. You’ll explore four stages—turning toward God, pouring out your complaint, asking for help, and expressing trust or hope. The activity offers prompts and space to create your own lament, helping you bring your honest thoughts and emotions into your spiritual process.
 
  • The Cycle of 4-A Behavior—Abuse, Addiction, Adultery, and Abandonment—describes the repeating patterns often found in destructive relationships: tension building, explosive behaviors, and fragile peace. Recognizing this cycle can help participants see their own experiences more clearly and begin healing from its impact. We invite you to Print the FREE Cycle of 4-A Behavior worksheet to use at home.